The Mirror Image Of Myself

[NSFW] Infamous Fake Orgasm Scene By Meg Ryan

Posted in Humor, Videos by zenmaster on August 10, 2007

ACHTUNG! This video contains the most realistic fake orgasm you’ve ever heard. So realistic, people will think that you’re watching porn. If you still insisted of watching this video, just turn down the volume already so it’s barely audible. Alternatively, you can use headphone to listen to it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. ❗

Video above is taken from the comedy-romance movie called When Harry Met Sally featuring the infamous fake orgasm scene. This scene is arguably one of the most memorable scene in Hollywood, so to speak.


Chinese Movie vs Indian Movie

Posted in Articles, Humor by zenmaster on August 4, 2007

Things You Would Never Know Without Chinese
Swordsman Movies

1. Being the hero’s parents will always be unlucky
and will usually be killed by enemies when the hero
is young and the hero will become an orphan.

2. When a man is wounded and dying, he always
manage to catch his breath and speak a few
sentences to reveal the killer before dropping his
head and declared dead.

3. Skilled people are able to fly over roof tops, up
trees and across distances without any sweat. But
when travelling to towns and villages, they still have
to walk or ride horses.

4. The heroes need not have to work for money, but
will always have gold and silvers with them to pay
for their dishes.

5. The heroes and villains will meet each other very
often no matter how big the country is and no
matter where they are.

6. Healing internal wounds in the body is as easy
as sitting down cross-legged, palms on the knees
and smoke coming out from the head.

7. They can keep a lot of stuff in their sleeves and
waistband and never drop them (carrying especially
lots of those gold and silver ingots.

Things Your Would Never Know Without Indian

1. A man will show no pain while taking the most
ferocious beating but will wince when a woman
tries to cleanse his wounds.

2. The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice
versa) unless they first perform a dance number in
the rain.

3. Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or
in any other situation.

4. Two lovers can be dancing in the field and out of
nowhere, 100 people will appear from god-knows-
where and joins them in the dance.

5. In the final scene, the hero will discover that the
bad guy who he is up against is actually his
brother and the maid who looked after him is his
mother and the chief inspector is his father and the
Judge is his uncle and so forth.

6. Key English words used in the movie (usually
said out loud between sentences) are No Problem!,
My God!, Get Out!, Shut-up!, Impossible!, Please
forgive me! …….. etc

7. They drop down on grounds and roll and roll
while singing and came out with different clothing.

8. They can run around the coconut trees, singing,
battling eyes-lid, and throwing glances at each
other and change clothes all at the same time
without being out of breath.

Memorable Quotes From Top Gear Presenters

Posted in Asides, Automobiles, Humor by zenmaster on July 26, 2007


“Oh, cock!” – James “Captain Slow” May

“I have not had my teeth done” – Richard “Hamster” Hammond

“Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that’s what gets you.” – Jeremy Clarkson

Attention: You can now download the Top Gear Polar Special Challenge from Final Gear website already. What challenge? It’s the race between Jeremy & Captain Slow vs. Hamster, stretched from Northern Canada to North Pole using special-made pick up truck and sled pulled by the dogs respectively. Who’ll win the race? Am not going to spoil you. Just download it and watch it. You can opt for download the 300MB or 700MB version. Keep your fingers crossed for HD version. Yes, HD!!!!!! (I wonder how good the video is). If you haven’t watch Top Gear before, tune in on NTV7, every Sunday at 3pm .

Download the torrent here.

Hacker Koan

Posted in Asides, Humor by zenmaster on July 21, 2007

Koan (pronounced as ko-an) is well-known for absurdity and difficult to be answered with yes or no as there’s no absolutes in the koans. Depending on the person, he/she might give different answers. Geeks in MIT came out with something hillarious out of blue, called hacker koan. Hacker koan is a parody to the Zen’s version of koan. Usually, it’s ended up with punchlines. One of the examples is:

A student was playing a handheld video game during a class. The teacher called on the student and asked him what he was doing. The student replied that he was trying to master the game. The teacher said, “There exists a state in which you will not attempt to master the game, and the game will not attempt to master you.” The student asked, “What is this state?”

The teacher said, “Give me your video game, and I will show you.” The student gave him the game, and the teacher threw it to the ground, breaking it into pieces.

The student was enlightened.

Tongue Twister

Posted in Humor by zenmaster on July 9, 2007

Q: “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”
A: “A woodchuck could chuck no amount of wood since a woodchuck can’t chuck wood.”
Q: “But if a woodchuck could chuck and would chuck some amount of wood, what amount of wood would a woodchuck chuck?”
A: “Even if a woodchuck could chuck wood and even if a woodchuck would chuck wood, should a woodchuck chuck wood?”
Q: “A woodchuck should chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood, as long as a woodchuck would chuck wood.”
A: “Oh, shut up”

Source: forum

Turn Your MPV Into A 7-Seater Convertible. O Rly? Ya rly.

Posted in Automobiles, Humor, Videos by zenmaster on June 21, 2007

Jeremy Clarkson (also known as Jezza in Australian accent) tries to prove that multi purpose vehicle (MPV) can be multi functional by cutting the roof off and convert it into a 7-seater convertible MPV. But the outcome is not that good. The MPV split into half while he’s driving half-way. Hence, Jezza concludes that Renault Espace is not a good car and destined to go to hell.

Ironically on Top Gear’s “How Hard Can It Be” challenge, Renault Espace just doing fine despite being converted into convertible by the same means. Maybe the challenge is managed by James “Captain Slow” May instead of Jeremy “Powerrrr” Clarkson. Ditto, the challenges ended in hilarity, albeit the MPV is back in good condition (sort of). I’m not going to spoil you. Just download and watch Top Gear Season 8 Episode 1.

For your information, this clip is not taken from Top Gear. It’s from his annual DVD release couple of years ago called Heaven and Hell, featuring the famous Perodua Kelisa being tortured to death by the means of smashed by sledgehammer, “hanging, drawing & quartering” and explosion. In other words, it’s the worse car being
tortured by Jezza just because it’s the cheapest car in UK (6000 pounds) and it’s nothing but a white good that has no soul, no passion and no flair.

Ricky Gervais Is Back

Posted in Entertainment, Humor by zenmaster on June 12, 2007

It’s pretty hard to find British humor on TV nowadays (except for the Mr Bean infinite reruns). The Office (UK version, mind you) was aired on 8TV before but the time slot allocated was horrible, which is 12.30am (for god’s sake, this is not prime time slot) Not many people appreciate witty British humor or what? Maybe. Anyways, Ricky is back with his new flick, it’s called Extras. Extras depicts about a person who quits his job to pursue his dream as an actor. But it turned out to be worse. He’s offered as a keh leh feh (supporting actor/extras) instead. What happen next?

Remember to tune in on 8TV at 12.30am this Friday. Mmmkay. Sigh! No more aired already. 😦

Extras on BBC.

I Did It For The Lulz!

Posted in Humor, Videos by zenmaster on March 17, 2007

Yes, old news is so exciting. Archive it for future laughs. The next time if you want to this stunt at mamak stall, do it at your own risk.

Spice Up Your New Year With British Humor

Posted in Humor, Interesting Stuff by zenmaster on February 22, 2007

As we know it, British humor is dry and no punchline. But that’s okay as I still can laugh at it so long as there’s laughter on the background. Otherwise, I’ll be having a hard time trying to find the punchline. The Office, for example. At first impression, it’s just an office politics drama, until I discovered that it’s actually a comedy series. Gah!!!!!!!! If watching The Office is a headache, then reading this article costs me double dosage of Panadol!!!!!!!

Unless you have been walking around with your eyes closed, and your head encased in a block of concrete, with a blindfold tied round it, in the dark – unless you have been doing that, you surely can’t have failed to notice the current Apple Macintosh campaign starring David Mitchell and Robert Webb, which has taken over magazines, newspapers and the internet in a series of brutal coordinated attacks aimed at causing massive loss of resistance. While I don’t have anything against shameless promotion per se (after all, within these very brackets I’m promoting my own BBC4 show, which starts tonight at 10pm), there is something infuriating about this particular blitz. In the ads, Webb plays a Mac while Mitchell adopts the mantle of a PC. We know this because they say so right at the start of the ad.

“Hello, I’m a Mac,” says Webb.

“And I’m a PC,” adds Mitchell.

They then perform a small comic vignette aimed at highlighting the differences between the two computers. So in one, the PC has a “nasty virus” that makes him sneeze like a plague victim; in another, he keeps freezing up and having to reboot. This is a subtle way of saying PCs are unreliable. Mitchell, incidentally, is wearing a nerdy, conservative suit throughout, while Webb is dressed in laid-back contemporary casual wear. This is a subtle way of saying Macs are cool.

The ads are adapted from a near-identical American campaign – the only difference is the use of Mitchell and Webb. They are a logical choice in one sense (everyone likes them), but a curious choice in another, since they are best known for the television series Peep Show – probably the best sitcom of the past five years – in which Mitchell plays a repressed, neurotic underdog, and Webb plays a selfish, self-regarding poseur. So when you see the ads, you think, “PCs are a bit rubbish yet ultimately lovable, whereas Macs are just smug, preening tossers.” In other words, it is a devastatingly accurate campaign.

I hate Macs. I have always hated Macs. I hate people who use Macs. I even hate people who don’t use Macs but sometimes wish they did. Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults; computers for scaredy cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work; computers for people who earnestly believe in feng shui.

PCs are the ramshackle computers of the people. You can build your own from scratch, then customise it into oblivion. Sometimes you have to slap it to make it work properly, just like the Tardis (Doctor Who, incidentally, would definitely use a PC). PCs have charm; Macs ooze pretension. When I sit down to use a Mac, the first thing I think is, “I hate Macs”, and then I think, “Why has this rubbish aspirational ornament only got one mouse button?” Losing that second mouse button feels like losing a limb. If the ads were really honest, Webb would be standing there with one arm, struggling to open a packet of peanuts while Mitchell effortlessly tore his apart with both hands. But then, if the ads were really honest, Webb would be dressed in unbelievably po-faced avant-garde clothing with a gigantic glowing apple on his back. And instead of conducting a proper conversation, he would be repeatedly congratulating himself for looking so cool, and banging on about how he was going to use his new laptop to write a novel, without ever getting round to doing it, like a mediocre idiot.

Cue 10 years of nasal bleating from Mac-likers who profess to like Macs not because they are fashionable, but because “they are just better”. Mac owners often sneer that kind of defence back at you when you mock their silly, posturing contraptions, because in doing so, you have inadvertently put your finger on the dark fear haunting their feeble, quivering soul – that in some sense, they are a superficial semi-person assembled from packaging; an infinitely sad, second-rate replicant who doesn’t really know what they are doing here, but feels vaguely significant and creative each time they gaze at their sleek designer machine. And the more deftly constructed and wittily argued their defence, the more terrified and wounded they secretly are.

Aside from crowing about sartorial differences, the adverts also make a big deal about PCs being associated with “work stuff” (Boo! Offices! Boo!), as opposed to Macs, which are apparently better at “fun stuff”. How insecure is that? And how inaccurate? Better at “fun stuff”, my arse. The only way to have fun with a Mac is to poke its insufferable owner in the eye. For proof, stroll into any decent games shop and cast your eye over the exhaustive range of cutting-edge computer games available exclusively for the PC, then compare that with the sort of rubbish you get on the Mac. Myst, the most pompous and boring videogame of all time, a plodding, dismal “adventure” in which you wandered around solving tedious puzzles in a rubbish magic kingdom apparently modelled on pretentious album covers, originated on the Mac in 1993. That same year, the first shoot-’em-up game, Doom, was released on the PC. This tells you all you will ever need to know about the Mac’s relationship with “fun”.

Ultimately the campaign’s biggest flaw is that it perpetuates the notion that consumers somehow “define themselves” with the technology they choose. If you truly believe you need to pick a mobile phone that “says something” about your personality, don’t bother. You don’t have a personality. A mental illness, maybe – but not a personality. Of course, that hasn’t stopped me slagging off Mac owners, with a series of sweeping generalisations, for the past 900 words, but that is what the ads do to PCs. Besides, that’s what we PC owners are like – unreliable, idiosyncratic and gleefully unfair. And if you’ll excuse me now, I feel an unexpected crash coming.