The Mirror Image Of Myself

[NSFW] Infamous Fake Orgasm Scene By Meg Ryan

Posted in Humor, Videos by zenmaster on August 10, 2007

ACHTUNG! This video contains the most realistic fake orgasm you’ve ever heard. So realistic, people will think that you’re watching porn. If you still insisted of watching this video, just turn down the volume already so it’s barely audible. Alternatively, you can use headphone to listen to it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. ❗

Video above is taken from the comedy-romance movie called When Harry Met Sally featuring the infamous fake orgasm scene. This scene is arguably one of the most memorable scene in Hollywood, so to speak.

The Demise Of Deus Ex Machina

Posted in Poetry by zenmaster on August 9, 2007

Chapter 1,
Mindfucked by the cliffhangers,
It got me dazed and confused,
No Man’s Land is the place I wanna be,
And the story begins.

The pivot of the plot,
Reeks of ignorance,
From every nooks and cranny of my brain and brawns,
It stinks to high heaven,
Ain’t nothing but a blatant lying,
Mixed messages is all I get,
What goes?
So much for the happy endings,
It makes me wonder,
Who am I to save the day?
Who would know my name?
Deus ex machina?

The reel will bring me down,
The reel will lift me up,
Here in silverscreen,
I feel like Jesus Christ,
I enjoy my last supper,
I take my last breath,
And of course, I say my last word,
Before I cease to exist,
The end.

Insignificant Things In High School Life

Posted in Tags by zenmaster on August 7, 2007

This meme (pronounced meem, not mimi or mem) phenomenon is infectious. The phenomenon is worse than AIDS outbreak. No wonder people hate to do memes. I’m not spared from the meme outbreak. This time I’ve been infected by Rabbit. The theme of the tag is naughty stuff I’ve done in high school, as simple as that (big deal!). My ability of storytelling and writing a long entry seems to be far-fetched but it’s not impossible for me to do it. That’s why, I’m gonna dissect it into 4 series of unfortunate events (pun intended).

The rules marked in red font are the one that I’ve to abide. Am not allowed to flout the tag rules (which I flouted it in my first tag) and replace it with my innate version of unwritten law. Meh.

1. Write about one of your naughty moments in secondary school.
2. Story must not be shorter than 20000 words. Jk. Just don’t make it too brief lah.
3. Tag bloggers who you think have really interesting stories to tell. Don’t go “ah I won’t tag anyone”.

During high school time, I was part of the clique (not triad, mind you) called Kokkers. It’s also known as Parti Perikatan because it has uncanny resemblance of multicultural political alliance during 60’s (hope you’ll get my drift). Yes, we do have our own blog, so do pay a visit, ya. Although we’re parted ways already for different commitments, but we do have yamcha sessions once in a blue moon, with banters and chatters going on. Moving on to my stories.

  • What my friends and I had done was we stole T’s exercise book and cooked up the story. Well, actually he didn’t wrote it all. What happened actually is that he only wrote the first paragraph before he could finish it. One of the kokkers stole it and pass around and we all added up our own versions of the story laced with necrophilia, BDSM and sexual innuendo. English teacher, Mrs. Chew was dumbfounded with T’s masterpiece, so she called T to explain to her. Much to his disgust, he had gotten emo. Without hesitation, he pointed his fingers to us. Uh, oh! We got caught red-handed, but we don’t blame it at T though, we deserved to be punished after got kantoi-ed. Needless to say, we were awarded punished with 10 demerit points. 30 more points for us to get 2-weeks suspension. 😈
  • This is by far the naughtiest stuff I’ve ever done. Teacher had gotten herself an MC. No class for 3 hours. Bored a horrible death. Nothing to chat about. All of sudden, one of the kokkers came out with his idea of stacking the tables and chairs as high as Petronas Twin Towers. So, we joined the frenzy. Uncannily, it looks like a giant Jenga in real life. Because of the wobbly and lopsided structure, we had a bad, bad feeling that it was going to toppled by itself. Déjà vu! It dropped like Jenga and the loud thud sound can be heard, not just 3 doors down, but one whole block. Ditto, we got awarded ourselves with bad karma/demerit points worth 10 for the naughty stuff that we have done. Nevermind, it could be worse. We got ourselves pinched in the nipples by Cikgu Sajoli (cikgu disiplin in charge and our accounting teacher). God knows how excruciating the pain was. 😥
  • The final story revolves around the final day of SPM. Tempers flared as heat arised, mind trembled while waiting for the agony and torment to be ended. We burned all the wretched buku latihan as a sign of happiness. We even chanted our own mantra (maybe). Students and teachers were dumbfounded with utter disgust at our pagan druid-like behaviour. Felt so blessed that time, like in seventh heaven. Then, we head over to Desa Setapak for a 5-hours of non-stop fragging fest at cybercafe called Tbun (or was it Surfnet?). Best siut. Quote from the Kokkers “Best like fuck can die.“, unquote.
  • If you’re my best friend or classmate, you’ll noticed that I was a quiet indifferent person and a lunatic fringe who abhorred anything mainstream and trendy such as boyband and Hitz.fm. I also had a penchant for Führer Hitler, Chairman ROFLMAO and spraying out the water ala-Triple H. Because of that, I’ve got bullied, heckled, teased and annoyed. Now, I’m no longer a judgemental person. Albeit being a quiet person, I did a naughty suff like Operasi Pisang and playing firecrackers in school compound. If you were my classmate, you’ll find that I was so generous enough to let you all copy my answers during Sejarah exams without getting caught by teacher.

That’s the end of my high school stories. Now is the disease-spreading time. I’m gonna spread my viral meme to the following people: Cincau Hangus, Jann, Tze Lun, Faisal and Grace. Whether they wanna do the tag it or not, I couldn’t be bothered. It’s not like I’m going to butcher them with my machate.

7 Clever Google Tricks Worth Knowing

Posted in Digg, Technology by zenmaster on August 5, 2007

Below I have compiled a list of 7 clever Google tricks that I believe everyone should be aware of. Together I think they represent an apex example of the grand possibilities associated with Google search manipulation tricks and hacks. Although there are many others out there, these 7 tricks are my all-time favorite. Enjoy yourself.

read more | digg story

Chinese Movie vs Indian Movie

Posted in Articles, Humor by zenmaster on August 4, 2007

Things You Would Never Know Without Chinese
Swordsman Movies

1. Being the hero’s parents will always be unlucky
and will usually be killed by enemies when the hero
is young and the hero will become an orphan.

2. When a man is wounded and dying, he always
manage to catch his breath and speak a few
sentences to reveal the killer before dropping his
head and declared dead.

3. Skilled people are able to fly over roof tops, up
trees and across distances without any sweat. But
when travelling to towns and villages, they still have
to walk or ride horses.

4. The heroes need not have to work for money, but
will always have gold and silvers with them to pay
for their dishes.

5. The heroes and villains will meet each other very
often no matter how big the country is and no
matter where they are.

6. Healing internal wounds in the body is as easy
as sitting down cross-legged, palms on the knees
and smoke coming out from the head.

7. They can keep a lot of stuff in their sleeves and
waistband and never drop them (carrying especially
lots of those gold and silver ingots.

Things Your Would Never Know Without Indian
Movies

1. A man will show no pain while taking the most
ferocious beating but will wince when a woman
tries to cleanse his wounds.

2. The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice
versa) unless they first perform a dance number in
the rain.

3. Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or
in any other situation.

4. Two lovers can be dancing in the field and out of
nowhere, 100 people will appear from god-knows-
where and joins them in the dance.

5. In the final scene, the hero will discover that the
bad guy who he is up against is actually his
brother and the maid who looked after him is his
mother and the chief inspector is his father and the
Judge is his uncle and so forth.

6. Key English words used in the movie (usually
said out loud between sentences) are No Problem!,
My God!, Get Out!, Shut-up!, Impossible!, Please
forgive me! …….. etc

7. They drop down on grounds and roll and roll
while singing and came out with different clothing.

8. They can run around the coconut trees, singing,
battling eyes-lid, and throwing glances at each
other and change clothes all at the same time
without being out of breath.

Love Poem

Posted in Poetry by zenmaster on August 3, 2007

You are my little baby girl,
We share all Our fears.
Such joy to hold you in my arms
and kiss away all your tears.
But now you’re gone, there’s only the pain
and nothing I can do about it.
And I don’t want to live this life any more,
If I can’t live for you.
To my beautiful baby girl.
Our love will never die.

– Sid Vicious, bassist of Sex Pistols

Silence

Posted in Poetry by zenmaster on August 2, 2007

There is this certain atmosphere,
a certain soltitude,
when the wind is cold and the cool tropical wind drops by,
and the wind chime does it’s thing,
and the lights are dim,
and the moon is barely visible,
i tend to start thinking,
about dumb things,
and insignificant thoughts.

– Sinatra_Z, a humble high school friend of mine.

Oh, Cock. I’ve Got Tagged For The First Time!

Posted in Tags by zenmaster on August 1, 2007

Doggone it. I’ve got tagged by Poonky and this is what I’m going to do. Please note that some of the answers are inaccurate as I have to play the songs on shuffle mode. Some of the rules that I have to follow are:

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how they relate to the questions.
5. Tag 5 people. No I’m not going to do that.

1)How are you feeling today?

The Everly Brothers – All I Have To Do Is Dream
(As usual, daydreaming all day long)

2)will you get far in life?

Paul McCartney – Live And Let Die
(I’m gonna commit seppuku if I can’t get far in my life)

3)What’s your bestfriend’s theme song?

Ray Charles – Hit The Road Jack
(Because he’s a player and a chick magnet just like Ray Charles)

4)What is the story of your life?

James Brown – Get Up (I Feel Like A) Sex Machine
(Yeah, baby, yeah. I’m a sexually active person. I love to have sex all day and night. Oh, what an orgasmic experience)

5)What was high school like?

Booker T And The M.G.S – Green Onions
(What the frack in this world the green onions got to do with high school life?)

6) How can you get ahead with life?

Frente – Bizzare Love Triangle
(How the hell I can get ahead with my life when I’m caught in cinta tiga segi yang terlalu pelik?)

7)Whats the best thing about your friends?

Rod Steward – Do You Think I’m Sexy?
(Say what?)

8)Describe your grandparents.

The Who – Magic Bus
(Those were the days when my grandma accompanied me all the way to Pudu from Ulu Klang to pick up scholarship for my primary school fund and we took a ride on good old minibus)

9)how’s your life going?

Freddie Mercury – The Great Pretender
(Oh yes. I’m a great pretender. Pretend that I’m doing well. Oh yes, I’m a habitual liar. I lie all the time)

10)what will be played at my funeral?

Stevie Wonder – Superstition
(To remind them that I don’t want anything superstitious. Simple ritual is enough)

11)will you have a happy life?

Smashmouth – Why Can’t We Be Friends
(I’m happy with my life when I meet lotsa new friends from various backgrounds)

12)what do your friends really think of you?

The Eagles – Desperado
(Self-explainatory. I’m a despo.)

13)Do people secretly lust after you?

Derek And The Dominos – Layla
(Never knew Layla is my secret admirer *blush*)

14)How can you make yourself happy?

Elvis Presley – Hound Dog
(Get myself a dog, preferably Golden Retriever)

15)What should you do with your life?

Eric Clapton – Tears In Heaven
(Pretend like a emo kid so that people can see me cry like a baby)

16)Will you ever have children?

Gloria Gaynor – I Will Survive
(I wish I’ll not die a virgin because I want to get married and have chidren)

17)What song would you strip to?

Cat Stevens/Yusuf Islam – Peace Train
(Choo-choo train, anyone?)

18)What does your mom thinks of you?

Elton John – Saturday Alright For Fighting
(My mom says that it’s alright to fight with mat rempits in the Saturday night?)

19)What is your deep,dark secret?

The Beatles – A Day In A Life
(Dunno, LOL)

20)What is your enemy’s theme song?

Queen – Friends Will Be Friends
(I will forgive my sworn enemy. Loveth thy neighbours, yo)

21)Whats your personality like?

Roy Orbison – Pretty Woman
(Guess I was a pretty woman in my past life and reincarnated as a man because I’ve collected good karma points in the past)

22)What will be played at your wedding?

blink-182 – Family Reunion
(Are you nuts? This song contains nothing but profanities. I will scare away my guests if I play this song. Click here for the lyrics)

23)tag 6 Lucky victim
– None, nil, zilch, nada, zero. Being a nice bloke I am, I’m not going to tag anyone this freaking meme.

The Paradox

Posted in Ramblings by zenmaster on July 29, 2007

Just my inane rambling. Blablabla….lalala….yadayadayada…..

  1. Brutally honest………fanatic
  2. Frugal……..stingy
  3. Perfectionist……………procrastinate
  4. Knowledgable……………know-it-all
  5. Shy……….arrogant
  6. Pacifist………….coward

End of musing. If you have headache, take Panadol. If you’ve trouble sleeping, take Valium. For everything else, there’s a bunny with pancake on top. Bleh~

Persian Names Are Cool, Too

Posted in Asides, Interesting Stuff by zenmaster on July 28, 2007

From my observation, most of the Malaysians are already bored with naming their children in Western or Biblical monickers. To heed Tun Mahathir’s advice to “look at the east”, Malaysian parents name their children the Eastern way, Persianized, to be precise. Mirza, Perves, Omid, Darius, Cyrus and Xerxes (I kid you not) are some of the names given by the parents to their male children. For female, the parents will name their children Aryana, Laili, Suri, Shereen and Mumtaz.

To make this entry longer, am going to write the trivias about the Persians. Whenever you look at the Persians, you’ll might be thinking “Hmmmm…… they look like Arabs or Jews”. Yes, Persians and Arabs look alike but, hell no, Persians are Aryan, not Middle Eastern. Afghans, Pakistani and Northern Indians are actually Aryans, too. We might learned the World Civilizations like Egypt and China but we definitely haven’t learn the Persian Empire before, despite its significant contribution in the world. That’s why, Persian empire is the most underrated civilization in the world.

In fact, 2/3 of the scholars, important figures, inventors and pioneers during Golden Age of Islamic Civilization are actually Persians (surprised, eh). Religions like Zoroastrian and Bahai Faith are founded by the Persians. Yeap, I’m going to name my children, Xerxes, if only I’ve a child. I said IF.

Click here for the list of Persian names